Peeling Back the Layers of Grief

In her search for healing, she slowly peeled back the layers of loss's profound grief, only to discover the cumulative buried heartache of a lifetime.

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Even then, it was impossible to comprehend the work that would have to be done to truly find herself beneath those layers -

the keys that would be needed to carefully unlock the floodgates holding back deep pain from long ago,

the thick skin surrounding her painful memories that would need to be slowly shed,

the shining armor surrounding her heart that would have to be strategically removed piece by piece,

the new revelations that would have to be unearthed and assimilated into conscious thought,

the acceptance of the choices that had been made along the way and their impact on her state of being,

her ego that would have to be gently but resolutely molded into submission,

and the forgiveness she would need to find for herself and others in order to emerge whole.

Were she to have known ahead of time the unrelenting rigors and overwhelming challenges inherent in this metamorphosis, or how much more grief was to come, it is unlikely she would have gone willingly into the process, but death and loss had a way of taking her on an unexpected journey,

one for which she, in the moment, had zero choice of traversing,

and one in which she was already drowning before she even knew she needed help, let alone was able to cry out for it.

But with time, nature, God, and writing as her healing aids, she slowly found her voice, her honesty, her way back to the light, and healing for her broken heart.

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Slowly, she began to see the world through the lens of possibility instead of through perfectly crafted maneuvers and facades.

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Slowly, she began to let down her guard, to take more risks, and to embrace the feeling of putting herself first.

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Slowly, she began to let go of having to be the best in favor of enjoying what she was doing in the moment and being more present.

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Slowly, she began to forgive herself for past mistakes and to realize what she had sacrificed in order to achieve success.

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Slowly, she came to understand that life is not as much about the big moments as it is about the spaces between those moments.

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And, finally, she came to understand that the journey - her journey - had unfolded exactly as it was meant to. And though there might still be a part of her that wished some of it could have been different, she also understood that ALL of it had brought her here, to this place of profound discovery and enlightenment, and for that she was, and is, grateful beyond measure.

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Her journey is not over, of that she is certain, but she is now better equipped to ride the waves, to handle the twists and sharp curves, and to navigate in unfamiliar terrain, all because grief repeatedly chose her and she finally had no choice but to accept.

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And in so doing, she can now tell you that all of it was, and is, beautiful, even when it didn't and doesn't feel that way in the moment, because all of it led her here, to a place where she hears more, sees more, understands more, intuits more, trusts more, forgives more, and is ready for more.

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But probably most importantly, she now knows that things don't happen to you, they happen for you.

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Everything, absolutely everything, has something to teach you if you're willing to look.

©Chris Colyer

August, 2019