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Learning to Live without You

Two Months After Losing My mom

I'm working myself ragged

so I can avoid being sad,

For a moment it works,

and my heart doesn't hurt as bad.


But then I finish one project

only to feel the darkness descend,

So I quickly get busy again

because it's easier to pretend


That everything is as it always was,

and in a minute you'll call to chat,

You'll want to hear every detail,

and we'll laugh about this and that.


I'll tell you how busy I am,

and you'll tell me you understand,

You just need a couple minutes

to share some wisdom from motherland.


But now you've left before I was ready,

before I could ask you what to do,

How do I let you go is the question,

how do I learn living without you?


I'm still writing the thank yous,

I'm still reading the notes,

I still don't know the answers,

why didn't I get a vote

To keep you here a little longer

so I could tell you how much you mean,

So I could hug you ever more dearly,

and memorize every second in between,


So I could learn more of what you know

because I have but barely a clue,

How to be the mother you were,

and how to stay selfless and true.


So I pretend everything is as it always was,

and in a minute you'll call to chat,

You'll want to hear the day's details,

and we'll laugh about this and that.


I'll tell you how busy I am,

and you'll tell me you understand,

You just need a couple minutes

to share some wisdom from motherland.


But now you've left before I was ready,

before I could ask you what to do,

How do I let you go is the question,

how do I learn living without you?

©Chris Colyer

July 17, 2017

 

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